I trust you with my live

Well, the title I took from a movie I saw long, long time ago.

there was a line that attached to me, it was

"I trust you with my live"

it means, you really trust someone.
and you have believe, they would not change to be worse.

"I trust you with my live"

it means, they look at you in the eye with honestly

I look forward,
to say that too someone..

The wind was blowing
The grass was growing

I have small circle, consist of just view people

We talk everyday, about anything.

I know we see the same light.
I know we share the same value.
I know we want to be better.

We know live is short and not always about money.

We value integrity, more than anything and trying the best that we can.

We are open and being honest to each other.

The special story and recap no one knows, we know. We cried together, laugh together.

Then, it turns out three of us were the mapples tree.

One day,
I will told them
"You guys are family to me, and I trust you with my live".

A see trough glass

I never showed my weak side, to almost everyone..

But you can clearly see that I always struggling

to show my best, to always look happy

When I come to your house, mbah bu

you hug me, so tight

and recite dua when hugging me

You ask mba darsih to cook my favorite meal

You see that I'm not strong
You are the only one that notice that, without me saying any words to you.

You ask me to sit under Delima tree in front of your house... and ask me, to clean the back of your turtle

and then,

you started to tell a story about live

a live, that was not so difficult..
as long as you have Allah in your heart

She said, without judging...
the weak me..
you keep telling the story, with javanese languange that I can only understand a little bit

Before I went back to college...
you pack me a rice and instant noodle
or peanut snack that you made by yourself

you pet my hair... and compliment me
and holding my hand...
and slide some money that I dont really need

the compliment words, that never reach me by anyone else.

because nobody see me struggling, except you

"Thank you for surviving she said...
and always have faith on Allah like you always do...
because nobody will save you but Allah"

"Break a leg huh? its okay to failed sometimes, but you gotta get up"

I nod and hug her..

She is cold.. and warm
and look at me like a see trough glasses..

always
wrapping my name in her dua..

..
after all the struggling season..
both mentally and physically ..
...
I finished my second semester,
with straight A in a paper
it was 4.00 for 1.5 years
...
I brought the paper to her, and Korean pears ...

but all the achievement
that doesn't make her change

she was, same..

hug me, pray for me, pet my hair and compliment me.

she was, same

she was, same

she was .

same.

she love me in no matter situation I was in..

no matter how broken I am.

no matter what shape I am

...

She doesnt ask me
"Why you struggling?"
"Why you are not perfect?"
"its impossible because you are smart"
.
never.
She was, love me
for who I am
.
and accepting that I am simply human
and I can broken ..
and I have problem
and I can burn out
.
she and her stare... and her pray, and her hug . and the hand I was holding was always the same .
...

Today, I starred at your graveyard mbah bu
and I realize how I am now
was shapped by your love, by your pray...
.
.
Thank you for accepting me as I am
and see me like a see trough glass
.
Thank you for peeking at my sadness when all people see was blink and happiness..
.
I am, is what I am when I am around you.
.

Till we meet again in Jannah..
Allah loves you mbah, and I do.

---
Assalamualaikum mbah bu,
dari rima